Before saying anything else, I should say that I hate the entire Airbnb review and ratings system, and my preference would be, to have nothing to do with it.
The biggest problem with the system, is that Airbnb blatantly lies about the meaning of the star ratings. They describe 4 stars as “very good” but this is not how they interpret a 4 star rating. Their interpretation of the rating system is not at all in line with how they explain it to guests, which is a serious problem for hosts, as then many guests may give a 4 star rating to a host and think they did them a favor, when in fact, they harmed that host with that 4 star rating.

Airbnb interprets the ratings as follows:
5 stars= pass
4 stars or less = fail

I am actually surprised Airbnb has not been sued over their blatant lying about what the ratings mean.

In my opinion, Airbnb should scrap the entire ratings system and leave only written reviews.

The reviews too are problematic because guests frequently lie in their reviews, and use reviews to retaliate against the host, if for instance, the host tried to enforce house rules on the guest, who then became upset that they could not be disrespectful and violate the rules in the property owner’s home. There are any number of reasons why guests might tell lies and retaliate in their reviews.
The problem is that their retaliation is done in such a way, that Airbnb is unable to view it as the retaliation that it is.
So for instance, if you have a no smoking property, and the guest smokes on the property, and you have to tell them not to do that, or the guest booked for one person, but sneaks in a friend to spend the night in your home, and you confront them about that, you’re not likely to be able to get the review removed if they rate you way down for cleanliness because they were upset to be caught in their disrespectful and rule-violating behaviors.

So, All That Said, When to Downrate Guests or Write Critical Reviews?

Unfortunately, guests often do not give a host any clue that they are going to write a critical review or downrate you in their stay. Yes, you will get a clue if you have to confront a guest about following rules, that they are likely to retaliate in the review, but other guests seem completely fine and respectful during their stay, but then stab you in the back after departing.

Even if I suspect that a guest was unhappy about something during their stay, or was upset that I had to tell them not to leave the bathroom a mess, causing problems for other guests in my home, I will not write a critical review of them, based only on my fear that they will downrate me or criticize me unfairly. That would be wrong. I would much rather make the mistake of being overgenerous, than make a mistake I would be ashamed of, such as giving them a less than 5 star review mostly out of anxiety that they would do that to me.

So, I only review and rate guests based on actual observable behavior during their stay, and before and during their stay in their communications, not based on any fears of retaliation that I might have.

Things Which Would Cause Me to Downrate or Do Wholly/Partly/Gently Critical Reviews of Guests

If I do have to make a criticism of a guest in a review or rating, I attempt to be as generous as possible, unless the guest was way out of line, or quite disrespectful, to the point where I have lost any sense of a need to be generous to them. This very rarely happens. But since this is so egregious when it happens, I’ll mention those issues first.

(1) Guests who observably lack respect for my home, myself, or other guests staying at my home.

This is one of the worst things that can happen to a host, is to find that someone enters your home who lacks a basic respect for you and your home. It feels terrible to even be around such a person. But fortunately, this is also very rare. I believe I’ve only encountered such a situation about a half dozen times in 13.5 years of hosting over 1200 Airbnb guests. The lack of respect can be demonstrated in various ways, such as repeated failure to follow house rules such as cleaning up after oneself in common areas, observation of quiet hours, or showing an unacceptable “attitude” when asked to follow house rules, or making dinner in the shared kitchen while wearing nothing but underwear or a towel wrapped around one’s waist.

I believe that guests like this should be removed from the Airbnb platform. These guests deserve an across-the-board one star rating. This is one of the very rare circumstances when I’d give a guest such a low rating.

(2) Guest has absurd or unreasonable expectations and begins to make a list of complaints based on these absurd expectations

If a guest arrives with absurd or unreasonable expectations, and gives indications that they are going to start causing problems for you based on their absurd mindset, this is another serious problem, and also, a rather rare one. This happens more often than the totally disrespectful guest, but having unreasonable expectations, is certainly a kind of disrespect.

These unreasonable expectations could take a variety of forms. It could be that the guest is expecting something that was never mentioned as part of the rental, such as that you’ll pick them up at the train station, that you’ll provide amenities or services which were never mentioned, but “another host provided that to me”, that your house which you described as old and never remodeled, should be new and remodeled, or that your home exists at a nearly impossible level of meticulous cleanliness, every hour of every day, in spite of the fact that multiple guests use multiple common areas multiple times a day, and you cannot be cleaning the house multiple times every day while charging guests the budget rates that you offer.

I’m not talking about a guest complaining that the tub is dirty, after another guest did in fact leave the tub dirty. If that happens, all a guest has to do is tell me and I’m on it ASAP. I’m talking about a guest who appears to be thrown into a state of anxiety or serious concern because “there’s a spot on the floor” or there’s a cobweb somewhere in the house, or they took a plate off the shelf in the kitchen, a kitchen that 1 to 3 other guests use 3 times a day, and found the plate unclean.

If the guest simply registers complaints and is ameliorated and satisfied by my giving immediate attention to the matter, which I most always will do, then this isn’t as serious a problem, though I am likely to still downrate the guest and give a gentle criticism in the review if the complaints were about issues so minor that they were not reasonable.

However if the guest escalates by calling Airbnb to complain, and especially if the guest leaves my house and then demands a refund, that guest is going to get an across the board one star review. Because this is a serious level of unreasonableness and absurdity, as well as a manipulation of Airbnb to be a bully, to help the guest violate the cancellation policy and obtain a refund that they do not deserve, as well as causing Airbnb to scold me over a nonexistent problem.

I work very hard to provide very comfortable, well-kept, and very budget-friendly accommodations in a beautiful older home. I make very clear in my listing description that as an OLDER HOME, and as a BUDGET LISTING, and in a setting with SHARED COMMON AREAS, you cannot expect everything to be new, you cannot expect everything to be fancy, you cannot expect meticulous cleanliness. So if guests read and agree to all of this, and then arrive and promptly complain to Airbnb about the situation being exactly as described, that is an extremely unreasonable guest. This guest, because they are demanding money back that they don’t deserve, and creating problems for you because your listing was what you said it was, in my mind absolutely is deserving of an across the board one star rating.

(3) Guest’s communication is poor

This is the most common problem I have with guests, and sadly, it is also one that is very easy for guests to avoid. It’s that guests fail to read and reply to messages I send to them either in a prompt manner, or for many days or weeks after sending the message.

Often, this begins just after a guest sends a reservation request. I’ll reply to the request with a question, such as “can you tell me a little about yourself and what brings you to my area?” and too often the guest fails to reply at all many hours later, or by the next day, such that I have to decline their request for lack of response.

Other times, the guest replies initially, but then as we approach the date of their arrival, I’ll ask them at what time of day they expect to arrive, and never hear back from them. Just yesterday I had a guest due to arrive, who by 5:15pm, had failed to respond to 3 different messages where I asked her what time she expected to arrive, so that I could arrange to meet her and show her in.

Guests will excuse themselves by saying they do not look at the Airbnb app. Well, guests must turn on notifications, so that every Airbnb message they get, is sent to their email. If they have not done this, then they need to be attentive to the app. Either way, if you book a stay with someone, you have to expect they may communicate with you. Sadly, many guests just do not know the basics of how to use the Airbnb website, and this ends up inconveniencing hosts in multiple ways.

Because this happens with so many guests, I actually do not generally downrate a guest or mention anything gently critical in their review about this, unless this lack of communication significantly inconveniences me.

If I do downrate them or mention anything, I’ll only downrate them to 4 stars for communication, nothing less, and I’ll say in their review that they could improve on communication vis a vis replying within a reasonable time to host messaging.

(4) Guest is not adequately clean in common areas or in their room

This is another quite common issue that I have with guests. That they do not adequately clean up after themselves in common areas, or that in some way the room they stayed in, is not left adequately clean. If this only happens once, or happens in an insignificant manner such as one plate, cup and spoon left in the sink one time, it’s not really a concern. It becomes a concern if it’s a big mess or happens several times: such as leaving the bathtub dirty, or leaving dishes out every day. This is a more serious problem than communication issues, because it impacts other guests as well as myself.

However, because I rent out more than one guest room in my home, and almost always have more than one guest using common areas, it is generally the case that if a mess is several times left in a common area — such as the bathtub is left dirty, or there are dishes left in the kitchen sink, or the stovetop is left with oil splattered on it — I do not know which guest did this. For this reason, I have difficulties with reviews, because I would not want to risk blaming the wrong person for this.

If I do know who is responsible for common areas messes, how much uncleanliness warrants a critical review or downrating?

As mentioned, I won’t downrate someone for simply forgetting to put things away in common areas one or two times. But if it happens several times and I know who is responsible, they will be downrated to 4 stars or perhaps less, depending on the severity of the situation. If I know who is responsible I will immediately remind them of the requirement to clean up after oneself in common areas. This is the only reminder they will get before they will earn themselves a downrating. If after the warning, they continue to fail to clean up after themselves, I will not speak to them about this issue any more, unless they happen to be on a longer stay. I will simply wait until they depart and then rate them down and mention in the review that they did not clean up after themselves in common areas as required. Usually I’ll downrate only to 4 stars, possibly 3 stars, unless the situation appears to be one of manifest disrespect, in which case they will get one star for cleanliness and perhaps also 1 star in the two other categories.

What if the guest doesn’t leave their room adequately clean on check out?

I do not expect guests to leave things in perfect condition when they check out. I only expect a minimal effort to leave the room presentable. They don’t have to vacuum the room, or strip the bed, or make the bed, put towels in any particular place, they don’t have to take out their trash, it’s fine if they leave a cup or dish on the table in their room, it’s fine if they leave food in the refrigerator, it’s fine if there are food crumbs on the table, or a little spilled drink on the table, or a couple items of trash on the floor. None of those things are concerns for me. Where I become concerned or upset are when I find one or more of the following:

(a) Bits of food all over the carpet or in the bed
(b) Significant staining of linens or other damage to the room, which is doubly concerning if guest left things like this without bothering to mention to me the obvious damage
(c) A significant amount of abandoned belongings
(d) Trash can left overflowing, with trash spilling out onto the carpet
(e) The room not left in a presentable manner, such as all the bedding and towels tossed in a random way around the room or onto the floor, or multiple items of trash discarded at random around the room and on the floor
(f) Room furniture has been moved around, in violation of my house rule prohibiting this, and not put back in place
(g) Guest has stuck things to the walls with sticky material that causes paint damage when removed
(h) Any other type of situation that causes the room to be “not in presentable condition” upon guest departure.

To me, leaving the room “presentable” means, a homeowner is not aghast at what they see when they open the door and look at the room. One example of a room not being left in a presentable condition, was when I had a guest who had some type of serious skin condition, such that when I opened the room door after he left, I found a carpet and bed that both looked like they were covered in freshly fallen snow. There was dandruff or dead skin bits absolutely everywhere. I’ve never seen anything like it. This was totally unacceptable to leave a room that way.

I realize that people can’t help having this type of physical issue, but the fact that one has such an issue, doesn’t mean others are obliged to accommodate this and be left with a disgusting mess like this in the room. I have a vacuum cleaner readily available to any guest to use, and I expect it to be used if a person like this stays at my home, so that they can leave the room in a presentable condition. However, my perhaps unpopular opinion is, that no one with a condition like this should be staying in someone else’s private home. They should stay in hotels which are more suited for cleaning up after any type of guest.

Many hosts will cry out that hosts are obligated to accept anyone and everything, that being in the hospitality business means you are obliged to accept anyone and everyone’s various types of illnesses or physical, emotional or mental issues. I strongly disagree with that. This is exactly what distinguishes in home hosts especially from hotels, in that we do NOT accept absolutely everyone, we choose who we accept, and people with certain types of problems that would affect a host’s home or negatively impact the host or their other guests, simply do not belong in our home.

Depending upon how badly the room was left after guest departure, I will downrate the guest to 4 or 3 stars. I don’t think I’ve ever had a room left in such poor condition that I had to downrate a guest lower than 3 stars for this issue. I should also mention, that it is fairly rare that I have to downrate any guest because of the room not being left presentable or adequately clean. Most all guests do a decent job on this. But food bits left all over the floor and in the bed is something I find quite disrespectful, especially given that eating is generally done in the kitchen/dining room, not in a bedroom, so that I’m already being generous by allowing guests to eat in their bedrooms, something not all in-home hosts allow.

Sometimes, I may be willing to forgive a guest not leaving the room in a presentable state, however if I had some other issue with the guest as well, such as poor communication, or failure to follow check out procedures, I will then feel like the guest has passed the tipping point where I can simply forgive everything, and I need to downrate them or mention something in a review.

For instance, I recently had a guest who failed to follow the check out procedure I’d just sent to him the day prior to checkout, in a short message. I could tell from looking at the Airbnb message thread, that he hadn’t even read the message. When he checked out, he did not leave the room door open as required, so I had no way of knowing if he’d departed. Meaning I wasn’t able to start cleaning the room on time, especially because when I messaged him and asked if he’d left, he didn’t respond. Finally I just unlocked the room door and found he’d gone, but he’d also failed to leave the keys in the correct place.
So because I’d already had all these problems with him, I then rated him down in house rules following (didn’t follow checkout procedure) and in cleanliness, to 4 stars in each of those categories.

Another thing to mention about this particular guest in this example: when I told him that he hadn’t followed check out instructions, he had the nerve to argue that there was no problem because he simply checked out using the procedure he was asked for in other Airbnb stays! LOL. This guest was literally telling me that he didn’t have to follow MY house rules and procedures, that it was fine if he followed someone ELSE’s house rules and procedures. Idiot! This is a good example of the point I made in my recent article about Airbnb’s new “Your House, Our Rules” policies. How many guests really do not appreciate the very thing that characterized Airbnb in its origins: the uniqueness of each listing and each stay. Too many guests want sameness, not difference. In reality they want hotels in residential areas.

Any guest who thinks that every home should have the exact same rules and checkout procedures, so that he never has to read anything the host has written in listing description, house rules or checkout procedures, should not be staying in private homes. He clearly should be staying in hotels.

(5) Guest is significantly late in checking out

I do not mind if a guest is a few minutes late in checking out. I can usually excuse them being up to 15 or 20 minutes late in checking out, with no feeling that I need to downrate them or mention this in a review, especially if they take an apologetic attitude towards this when I come to see if they have left and find them still packing.

But if a guest is sitting in my kitchen 30 minutes after checkout time, and I ask how it’s going with checkout and the guest says, “I’m finishing my tea, if that’s okay”, while they slowly drink their tea, and giving me a look that suggests I am being viewed as rudely interrupting their morning ritual, that is not okay. This suggests an entitled guest who thinks checkout time is a suggestion, rather than a requirement. And if they are more than 30 or 40 minutes late in checking out, barring any good explanation for this, this is definitely going to be mentioned in their review and lead to downrating them. A good explanation might be something like, “I’m sorry, I just found out my car was broken into” or “Sorry, my suitcase zipper just broke and I’m struggling” or something else that reasonably explains the delay. But the mere fact that they woke up late, or just got out of the shower, or were on a phone call, obviously is no excuse for this violation of check out time.

Another somewhat related matter that leads to downrating a guest and a critical review, is if, as has happened to me more than once, a guest actually arrives a day earlier than his reservation begins, and expects to check in on the wrong day. In both these cases the room actually happened to be available for the guests’ reservation to be altered to add the day, but suffice it to say, it’s never acceptable for a guest to be so completely confused that they arrive a day early for their stay.

(6) Guest books a stay in a private room in a home where the host lives, and shows complete lack of interest in meeting the host, or even seems to be intentionally avoiding the host

I am an introvert myself, so I can easily understand guests who prefer to have privacy or solitude, and not interact much with others in the house. However, there is a difference between liking one’s solitude, and showing zero interest in even meeting the person whose private home you’re staying in, or even worse, intentionally trying to avoid the in home host.

I consider it quite rude, as well as inappropriate, for a guest to book a stay in a private room in a shared home, where the host themselves lives, and then avoid the host in this way. I can’t always tell if a particular guest is just really busy, or if they are intentionally avoiding me. But sometimes things can occur which make that clear.

If there’s someone staying in my house who arrived late so that they used self check-in, I will always send a message saying that I’d like to meet them the next day to show them around. This is not just to say hello, but also to give them the house tour where I show them where things are (thus preventing the problem of guests interrupting me several times or at inconvenient times asking where things are, that would have been pointed out in a couple minutes on a short house tour) as well as mention a couple important rules about cleaning up after oneself in common areas.

If a guest does not respond to this message in any manner, this does not reflect well on them. It may be the case that they are very busy and do not have time to meet, which is understandable, and if they tell me this, this is fine.

If I’ve not met a certain guest yet, if I happen to see or hear that guest coming or going, that’s usually a good opportunity for me to make a beeline for their room door or the front door of my house, and say hello and introduce myself to them, no matter how uncomfortable this makes them feel. It’s just never acceptable in my mind, to behave as though one can stay in someone’s home and refuse to acknowledge them.

If I do this and the guest is clearly uncomfortable even saying hello to me, or doesn’t even look me in the eye as I’m speaking, or seems annoyed that I am greeting them, this is definitely going to lead to downrating them and to a criticism in a review.

(7) Guest does something that violates house rules and is not apologetic

Generally if a guest breaks a house rule that they didn’t know was a rule, (because they haven’t read the rules like they were supposed to) I forgive them readily if they are apologetic when I speak to them about this. Such as if they are using the kitchen after 10pm. The only time they would get downrated or get a criticism in their review, is if I speak to them about this and instead of being apologetic, they act entitled. In which case, depending on the level of entitlement or disrespect I experience from them, they could be downrated anwhere from 4 stars down to 1 star.

(8) Guest engages in behavior which creates problems or discomfort for myself or other guests, such as inappropriate behavior in common areas, or needing excessive assistance

The thing about house rules is that no matter how “long” your house rules list is, you cannot possibly cover every possible issue or problem that might arise with a guest. Still, there is a basic expectation of appropriate and reasonable behavior, use of common sense, and respect for boundaries.

One item of common sense that all guests should understand, is that simply renting a room in my house and use of common areas, does not entitle them to additional services or special-needs assistance. Some hosts would be quite happy to provide extra help to a guest in need of more handholding or assistance, especially if that host is a person who is oriented to helping others. But other hosts, like myself, may have to have a second job, because their hosting doesn’t earn them enough income, or may have a significant vocation or volunteer position which demands much of their time, and will regard it as an imposition if they keep being interrupted during their work day by a guest who can’t figure out something quite simple, like how to turn on the shower, or forgets where just yesterday I told them to store their things, or can’t figure out how to open a lock on a door which I showed them how to do the day they arrived, or how to navigate to a store 5 blocks away, or what restaurant to go to, or whether to have coffee or tea. (I’ve had guests who needed help with all those things) If a guest becomes annoying enough with their special-needs demands, then they may end up being slightly downrated (not more than to 4 stars) and gently critiqued, because this is by no means what the host agreed to provide.

As far as inappropriate behavior by a guest: for instance, if a guest simply opened my or another guests’ bedroom door and walked into the room, violating privacy in doing so, that isn’t something that I have a “house rule” about, but it’s obviously highly inappropriate.

Or if a guest hacked into my wifi system, that isn’t something I prohibit in house rules, but it would be extremely inappropriate.


Or, a guest has a very strong and bad body odor. Sorry that he has that issue, perhaps he can’t help it, but such a person is absolutely not suited to book a stay in a hosts’ home where common areas are shared with host and other guests, all of whom would be gagging over his horrific stink.

Some guests lack ordinary social skills, or lack common sense about how to behave in shared areas, and for that reason, in my view they should not be booking a stay in a shared home, where they share common areas with the host and other guests. One such issue is what I mentioned above about guests who feel free to wander about the house in a towel or their underwear. (And yes, I have had two guests who did that) Another example is the guest who sings loudly to himself while using the kitchen, which creates an uncomfortable and awkward situation for other guests. (I have had a guest who did that).

Yet another example is the guest who made loud, bizarre cooing sounds to herself while in the kitchen, and also in her room, where she could be heard by others. I recognize that some autistic people have this issue, (and I think this guest was possibly autistic because she also had quite significant problems with directions), but my opinion is that people with such conditions should not be booking private rooms in private homes where they share common areas with others. Their lack of ability to behave appropriately in shared areas makes them a poor fit for such. They should be staying in entire place listings only, where their socially inappropriate or bizarre behavior does not negatively impact other Airbnb guests. The mere fact that a guest books a stay in my home, does not oblige them to put up with bizarre behavior from other guests, that they may not understand. And the mere fact that a person happens to be autistic, does not mean that others will not see their behavior as bizarre, or perhaps even experience it as disturbing. At my house, I have to consider the needs of ALL my guests, not just the “neurodivergent” ones.

No Host Can Be Forced To Accept A Particular Guest

As regards this issue with inappropriate behavior from a possibly autistic guest, as well as from other guests who may be narcissistic, traumatized with early childhood wounding, experiencing depression, anxiety, or have some type of mental illness or emotional distress, I already hear some hosts screaming, “Diskwiminashun!! Diskwiminashun!” so I want to address this in a larger context manner.

Due to decades of what has been called “woke insanity” and its propaganda, many have been conditioned to think, that some groups of people are not really responsible for their own behavior. That they are free to do whatever they want, even if it harms or negatively impacts others, because they are in some allegedly oppressed group or minority.

This is BS. And sanity is starting to return to the world, as more and more people reject the woke insane ideologies and propaganda.
Everybody, no matter what group or subgroup they are in, no matter what their ethnicity, no matter what physical or emotional or mental condition they may have, is responsible for their own behavior.
And while it does make sense that people with physical disabilities be accommodated by true “public accommodations” which are places like hospitals, medical offices, schools, government buildings, restaurants, grocery stores and hotels, or large apartment buildings, so that they can at the very least, get into the place or business, no Airbnb host runs a “public accommodation”. Those who say that Airbnb listings are “public accommodations” are either quite misinformed, or they are intentionally spreading misinformation, or they are part of a criminal government system which doesn’t hesitate to spread lies and pass unconstitutional ordinances.

The mere fact that an Airbnb host CHOOSES whom they want to rent to, and that their doors are not open to the public at large to come on in, makes it clear that they are not a public accommodation. And in my view, non-discrimination laws should not apply to any such situation that is not a public accommodation, but is a private home. Regardless what criminals in government or tyrants at Airbnb may say. We private property owners MUST be allowed to and WILL be allowed to choose who we accept at our private home, and can never be forced to accept anyone or any situation which would cause violation of OUR house rules (not Airbnb’s rules imposed upon us) and our own personal boundaries.

I’m going to assert the perhaps unpopular opinion, that (almost) all of Airbnb’s “non discrimination policy” is illegal and unconstitutional as applied to in-home hosts, and that no private property owner can be forced to take into their home, anyone whom they do not want there. I’ve discussed in other articles how the “Mrs Murphy Exemption” applies to us, and how in my opinion, Airbnb is not entitled to deprive us of our rights under this exemption. https://www.payrent.com/articles/mrs-murphy-and-fair-housing-act-exemptions-explained

I’d like to go even further and assert that I believe our rights within our own home are even stronger and broader than what is described by the Mrs Murphy exemption. However, going on about that takes us astray, so that is for another article.

All this said, however: a person with a mental illness or disability, or anyone who behaves inappropriately in social situations (as found in a home with shared common areas), such as someone with autism, is not someone who merely by reason of their inappropriate behavior, should suddenly gain through force of law and nondiscrimination policy (autistic people are considered disabled and thus covered by ADA laws) , the ability to force you to accept them into your home, just by virtue of their being autistic and having inappriate behavior. When stated that way I hope readers can see how absurd that would be.

Summary

In summary, I will say again that the vast majority of reviews I do for guests are all 5 star reviews, and I hate having to rate anyone down, because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, or cause them problems, and I know how it can hurt to receive criticism in a review.

However, I would not be forced into doing downrating in reviews, if guests behaved appropriately, and/or didn’t book a private room in a shared home, if they knew (or should have known) that they would not be able to behave appropriately in such circumstances.

So if you’re a clueless person who can’t see that you make others uncomfortable singing loudly to yourself in a shared kitchen, or can’t manage to clean up after yourself in the bath or kitchen, or you’re an autistic person who engages in behavior that would seem bizarre to others, such as those not familiar with autistic people, then you could avoid negative reviews by just not booking a shared home situation.

Just use common sense, or perhaps get others to help you make decisions if you know you lack common sense, and things will go better for everyone.